4.09.2007

Dog-sitting Meat


Yes. We have gone over this topic before. And then again. It's been established that I am not good with pets. Nevertheless, my baby sister Jen asked me to dog-sit her little doggie Meatball while she went on a well-deserved vacation before her second daughter is born.

I guess she is a gamblin' kind of woman.

I just didn't have the heart to say no to her, since she is all swollen and pregnant and on her way to Hawaii as we speak. She said, come on Dee...all you have to do is give him water and food every day. I thought, hmmmm, she is not requiring me to take him out for walks, or play with him, or let him sleep inside the house...basically I just have to keep his sorry little ass alive. Those that know me know that its more of a challenge than one would think. But I am confident I will take care of him just fine. In fact, I have to be very cautious with this doggie and make sure he lives...cuz if something happens to him on my watch, it would just be too suspicious.

When my sister dropped him off and was getting ready to leave, she waved to Meatball and said, "'Bye Meat...try to stay alive!" Sooooo, that being said, I have a little unneutered French bulldog running around my yard lifting his leg and pissing on everything. When he isn't pissing on everything, he is humping it. It has been quite the opportunity for sex education, let me tell you.

"Why is he humping on Chellie, mama?"
"Why is he sniffing her butt, mama?"
"Why is he trying to get on her back, mama?"
"Why does his penis look like that, mama? It looks all red!" Lots of giggles and eeewwwwws with that one.

Sigh.

Meatball looks just like Bernie Mac. I'm still trying to figure out if that sounds racist or not, but seriously, he looks just like Bernie Mac. He has this flat little face and big ole bug eyes...and he's black. I'm telling you, he looks like Bernie Mac! I keep waiting for him to say, summa-mabitch! When he isn't looking straight out of The Original Kings of Comedy, he is tea-bagging everything. Yep, when a male dog hasn't been fixed yet, he still has his stuff intact. I never knew that...I mean, the thought just never occured to me. You don't see too many dogs with balls running around these days, unless they are playing fetch with one. Meat's small and has little tiny legs, so he gets tired easily. In order to cool off, he lays on his belly and splays out his hind legs, and lets the ole testicles chill, with a devil-may-care attitude. It's pretty disgusting. When Jen brought him over last week to get acquainted with Chellie and he unsuccessfully tried to hump her, it took him a good twenty minutes to recover. He laid there breathing like an old man with emphesyma. We could hear him all the way in the kitchen, breathing all crazy! When Jen takes him out for a walk, she usually ends up having to place him in the little carrier in the back of the stroller because he can't make the walk home. Heh.

Here is a little video of Meatball, spending some quality time with his stuffed animal. My poor dog Chellie, this is her homie for the entire week.
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