That is how I am feeling. Warm and fuzzy. Warm 'cuz it's hot as hell outside (like in the early 100's out there--I couldn't tell you for sure because my body protests whenever I walk out of my air conditioned house) and fuzzy because I have been too lazy to shave my legs. Oh. But, most importantly, warm and fuzzy because I am back online. I have been enlightened to the fact that I need internet access like a crack fiend needs his rocks. Seriously. When you are a happy stay-at-home mama and the only contact you have to the outside world (read: people that don't require a spanking or getting their butt wiped ten times a day), my laptop becomes the portal to sanity.
It feels like I haven't blogged in ages so I am just going to dive right in.
I am in for a very big treat. Well, two of my boys are, anyway. Noah and Diego are leaving for summer camp tomorrow afternoon. Dude, it can't come soon enough. And I say that as lovingly as possible. This is why I say I am in for a very big treat. No ravenous, clumsy, B.O.--smelling, competitive, squabbling knucklehead boys for one entire week. Wooooohoooooo. What a difference from last year when I thought I was going to die because Noah was going to be away from our family for seven whole days. This time around, Diego is going as well. And I would send them a day earlier if I could. Heh. Since the weather has been so sweltering, the kids have been inside enjoying the cool air. They haven't had a physical outlet, unless you count running up and down the halls, wrestling, rolling off their bunkbeds, building forts that take up the entire livingroom and torturing their siblings and the poor refrigerator, whose door has been opened about a thousand times. In short, they are driving me crazy.
So I have been using every usable minute to drum rules and regulations into their heads so their poor counselors don't think they were raised by wolves.
Here is what the conversations in the Cortes household have been sounding like lately:
Me: Hey Nu-Bird.
Noah: Yeh, Mom.
Me: So what are you going to do if some of the boys decide it would be a funny thing to whip their penises out? Or touch each other's? Or they want to touch your's?
Noah: Oh, Mom. That's disgusting! (laughs) Who in the world is going to do that?
Me: You never know. You tell them that no one is allowed to see your privates, that you don't want to see their business and to put it away. Then you stay away from them. If an adult touches you or makes you feel uncomfortable, you tell another adult about it. No one is allowed to touch you or make you touch them....are you listening Noah?
Noah: (sigh) Ok, Mom.
Me: You should never feel afraid to talk to me or your dad or your counselor...
Noah: Okaaaaaaaay, Moooooooooom.
Me: Please be nice to your brother. If you see him, please sit with him and/or play with him. Don't be mean to him.
Noah: Moooooooom! Geez.
Me: Deggo-dog, come here for a second.
Diego: Yes, Mama.
Me: Your counselor is not going to clean up after you like Mama does. You are responsible for keeping your things together. You have to put your dirty clothes in a plastic bag. You can't just kick off your shoes anywhere. If you lose your shoes, you won't have any for the rest of your vacation. You have to wash your own hair AND brush it. You can't color or draw because you will probably be out swimming and hiking, do you understand?
Diego: Uhhh (mouth open, focused on the Fairly Odd Parents). What, Mom? Oh, okay. I KNOOOOOWW!
Me: Please don't forget to wear your deodorant every day. You don't want to offend the other boys in your teepee.
Diego: (blank stare on his face)Huh?
Me: Diego! Pay attention! Are you listening to me?
Diego: Will you write to me? Don't forget to write to me. Will you pack me a picture of you and Daddy?
Me: Of course I will. Are you going to remember to wear deodorant?
Diego: Huh? Mooooooooom! Enough with the deodorant!!
Me: You really need to watch your foul language, too.
Diego: (mischevious smile)Okay. But what is foul language? The D word? The S word? The A word? The B word? The I word?
Me: What is the I word?
Diego: (whispers) Idiot.
Me: Oh. Yeh. Don't say that word either.That's not cool. Do you want your counselor to think you are allowed to talk this way at home?
Diego: (sigh) Alllllright, Mama.
I am really hoping and praying that Noah will be the good big brother that he is and show Diego the ropes up at camp but I just don't know. Noah has already made it clear that he wanted to be in separate teepess and he's going to pretend that he doesn't know Diego while they are swimming and eating. Sigh. Diego is looking forward to cooking class because Noah told him that only girls take cooking class. He said he would be happy to be the only boy there. And he also said he wants to learn to cook because I am "too slow with the food". Um, yeh. They will both have challenges this week. Diego's first time of really being away from home, his asthma and that hair. And Noah's been battling itchy, watery eyes and the fact that his new glasses haven't come in yet. So he won't have any glasses to take with him to camp. Being a blind bat myself, I really feel for the dude.
So I am off to pack. This should be fun.