12.29.2007

Te agrada a ti...

I have to admit that I've been in a state of funk with my relationship with the Almighty. I, of course, love Him and haven't walked away from Him...but we haven't been on that intimate level that I've grown accustomed to these days. I don't know what it is exactly that has caused this distance...I think maybe it stems from the frustrations of my own shortcomings, bad decisions and a really rough year financially. Everything has been such a struggle. The only consolation for my heart and mind is that I've been on this walk with God for almost twelve years now and so I understand the road has dips and valleys and seasons, both good and bad.

I feel lonely. I miss Him. Like when you and your lover have been too busy to spend time alone and that tenderness for the one closest to your heart is missing. All of sudden you are ready to freak out when you find a pair of funky socks on the floor. It's not the socks you are mad at, it's the fact that you haven't made time for one another.

He's not the first thing on my mind when I wake up...I haven't talked to Him throughout the day...I haven't shared Him with others I've come across...I haven't pondered what His words mean for my day to day living. I don't like feeling like this. I want to please Him. And what pleases God? When you come to Him...when you lay down your burden...when you return to your first love.

Perhaps it is the season. Ironically, the time of Jesus' birth but with so many things to do, He is the last person I've been thinking about. It's been an endless round of visitors, errands, cooking, baking, cleaning and that cycle continues over and over until after the first of the year.

I just had dinner with my Dad and the rest of my family, and I had a good time. Yet, the Person who I care about most, the Person who loves me more than anything...He was missing. I hear Him calling my name. That still small voice. I just had to stop what I was doing and listen.

I can't wait for Sunday. Moi is playing at Sunday service. Wish you were here.


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