Spongebob OWNS

My stance on children's cartoons is...it's evil until proven innocent. I give the hairy eyeball to anything and everything that the chil'rens like to watch because...well, they are heathens and their first inclination is to watch something that is bad for them. They are my children, after all. They are just taking after their mama and daddy.


But Spongebob Squarepants...well, that little sponge just owns. It is hil-ar-ious. I try my best to sit there stoically and try to discern whether the cartoon has homoerotic overtones or foul language. But I usually just end up laughing my head off. Its the only thing I will sit with the chil'rens and watch and not want to gouge out my own eyeballs. Sure, there are innuendos but they go right over the chil'rens heads.

First off, he lives on 124 Conch Street, in a place called Bikini Bottom. He works for the Krusty Krab. Crabs...bikini bottoms...plus the fact that Spongebob's coworker Squidward has a nose that looks suspiciously like a droopy penis.

Heeheeeheeee...see I'm already laughing!

I saw it yesterday and Spongebob got a splinter and it was all swollen and ready to explode and...well, you had to be there. Today he was being terrorized by the boating school bully...only to realize that the bully's punches just sunk into his spongy body. Aha. Whew. Good times. Is there a limit as to how many times I can say good times in one day?

The subversive humor is what really gets me. The chil'rens just like it because Spongebob is a straight up fool and bad stuff always happens to him. We figured out how they make his laugh sound the way he does. You have to "aahhhhhhh" and smack your throat repeatedly.

You know you're totally going to try it.

I'm still trying to decide whether or not I am failing the chil'rens as a mother. I'll let you know.

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