The elusive pair of jeans

I own nineteen pairs of jeans.

I was not even aware of it but I was cleaning my closet recently and I started counting. I just assumed they were Michael's jeans.

But, nineteen? Wow.

Cuz I swear I seem to rotate between three pairs.

I found holey jeans, cuffed jeans, wide leg trousers, skinnies, straight leg, jeggings, trousers, distressed, zippers at the ankle, slight boot leg, dark rinse, black rinse, and faded.

But no capris. Ugh. I gave all of my capris to my Siamese Soul Sistah because she is all about the capris. I feel like Roseanne when I wear them. So my rule is no capris. Ever.

Short, stumpy and fat does not need to appear shorter, stumpier and fatter.

I just want to know two things.

Why do I always feel like I don't have a thing to wear? And worse still, why do I feel like there is always something a little wrong about each pair? I mean, with nineteen pairs?

Surely, something should work.

Either they are too baggy in the waist, tight on my thighs, the rise is too high, or its too low (which causes muffin top explosion and plumbers crack issues), they are too long (I have a ridiculous inseam of 30 inches), they are too stretched out after one wearing, they are too tight and I feel like a stuffed sausage or the rinse isn't right. Like I said, it is always something!

So I just keep buying and buying more jeans, in the hopes that I will find "The One". I just bought two new pairs last week. The pairs I already own are fine and dandy, but they could use some altering in some way. If I ever get off my procrastinating behind, I just might go to a tailor and have them all fixed to suit me.

Then I will have nineteen fabulous pairs of jeans to choose from.


Until then, I will continue to keep buying jeans, I guess. That and continue my quest for a pair of cute boots that fit my cankles.



  1. Boots and jeans must be in the air. I have too many pairs of jeans, all of which I hate, as well. So, yes. Why? Why do we keep buying them? I wonder, in the kind of way that means I don't really want to know, how many pairs of jeans i have bought, then donated to charity, in my lifetime? Could this be called community service?

  2. Seriously, it doesn't matter what shape we are. Jeans suck. I love them. But, my ass hangs out no matter what!

  3. Get them tailored. It's relatively cheap- cheaper than having 19 pairs looking for the elusive perfect fit, haha :)- and they fit it perfectly to your body. Since you've had the jeans for a while you know which ones stretch, which ones don't give,etc. I highly recommend tailoring!


Break me off something.

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